Silver Lining

Biz Buzz

2009-04-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

2009-02-14T22:06:00.002+08:00

Let's get critical

2007-08-07T10:56:00.001+08:00

For the past 2 months we have been exposed to a couple of critical care units in PGH as opposed to chronic wards like what we had last year. Pediatric intesive care unit (PICU), Central ICU, Burn unit, Post-anesthesia care unit (PACU), Neuro-surgical special care unit and ER complex. It was an exhausting marathon but for me, who kind of enjoys the hardcore action side of nursing, it's the best clinical exposure yet. There are many highlights that will surely be remembered.

Workaholics Anonynous

2007-07-16T02:32:00.001+08:00

I have to blog it if I'm beyond the 100th sheep yet there's still no hint of a yawn. It's when I thought a night shower will drain the pain off yet after 30 minutes of soaking, nothing changed but the water bill and the melted soap. This freaking heart - the only workaholic part of me - strikes me with pseudo premature contractions. How do we get to this part? Do relationships have this love half-life like Uranium does?..the part when controlling our feelings become an internal combustion process? They said the more we endure the more kinetically impossible it is not to implode like the law of physics regarding matter... But I refuse to agree that our love could be parallel to any Science. I refuse to believe we are mere stereotypes of history once enthusiastically spellbound. I refuse the existence of any force that wouldn't allow us to change. Finally, I refuse the idea that we are incompatible elements of nature that collided by chance.
I know for a fact that this relationship will never settle in perfect equilibrium but rest assured, I'd battle through this as long as my workaholic heart pace me. This corny, redundant word called "love"... beats me.
In the meantime, how many sheeps more before I sleep?

It Rained On Her

2007-06-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

It was more than just a weather forecast
50 bucks - the cheapest sound for hope
The old woman and her cards of fate
The old woman beside the church's gate

50 bucks for a fairy tale
60 bucks for the kit
The truth but she'd rather a trick
The truth was 2 blue strips on the stick

22

2007-05-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

We were just in time to catch the last of summer's sun in Boracay. It was actually perfect. They already called it an off-season back there so prices were down and there's a wider sand-space to stroll on (with lesser bodies to bump into). Well the stroll could also be considered a marathon while you're at it or if you're not really accustomed to long walks. I was told that the whole stretch was more or less 9 kilometers so if you really wanna appreciate all the bars, restaurants, shops, etc., a day or two wouldn't be enough. The sand was powder white and the beach blue-green. The strawberry shakes, beach benches, coconut trees, the gentle wind, multi-colored sailboats, parachutes and the sunset were all in orchestra creating a paradise-like feeling. Of course the reggae music was like a default island trip in my head since we got there. Mornings were about shopping walks, breakfast resto dilemma (tough decisions! tight competition when it comes to ambiance!), coffee talks, sunblock lotion logistics, and swim suit parade! Afternoons were about swimming (atleast for those that are afraid to have extra melanin), extra strolling, and rest (for lower leg pains caused by a day's walk; jaw pains caused by excessive chewing or whining, whichever; and pocket/arse pains which Einstein's law of relativity could explain). Nights were about bar hopping, night swimming (either at the the beach or resort pool), and dreaming together under the moon or better, kissing under the moon.
Parasailing was worth P1500 per head but we beheaded them with a P500 cut off. I remember once writing that sky-diving was one of my before-I-die-list. Parasailing is yet the closest I could get and boy was I freaked out at first! This was the first time someone made me cry on my birthday and it's funny that I'm not even brave enough to let go of the parachute handles to wipe my face. That's right what the ocean needs is more salt from my face! Even though parachutes are my kind of thing and sky diving is my fantasy, I am ironically afraid of heights. Luckily gravity was friendly to me at around 12:30-1pm that day. It was the time of my life and I'm with the love of my life up there! The highest high!

(The rest of the pics @ http://mustardstains.multiply.com)

...was out painting the town!

2007-04-12T22:25:00.001+08:00

If you're a sucker for antiques, 30's-70's arts/inventions, indie artists, activist literature/works, cheap 2nd hand stuffs (old records/LPs, books, etc) and Italian food, head to Cubao's Shoe Expo. It's like a peninsula of all sorts of interesting stuffs. Too bad I wasn't able to charge my cam before getting there last time. We dug like 2 boxes of old books at home while having a general cleaning and decided to sell it in this store at the expo. To cut the story short, well, we're not so satisfied with how much we were able to bargain its worth but it rained on us that it's better than feeding a ton of termites. In the same store I got hold of this pair of eye glasses with a hip 70's frame. I was supposed to buy it if only they'd give me even a percent of discount for ol' time's sake (Literally, "old" time since I wouldn't be the first to wear it)! I should admit though that I'm not the best bargain-er in town. I seldom, if not never, get cut offs. So much for the charm, huh. I definitely need to work on my mojos on that department. :(
Moving on, I went over this rack filled with 2nd hand, who knows of if it's nth hand, old records priced for less than a hundred. Joseph has a shelf-long of these in his music studio and a record player which I will always covet. I was always interested with the granny stuffs (the vintage and dust-philic articles) and I imagined how cool it'd be if these were pinned around my room. Don't you think the record sleeves in those days were more fashionable than our handy CDs? It's like an art apart from the artist's music itself.
About the Italian food, Bellinis could be just the place. Tasty interior design and the pasta, particularly the putaneska, was great (just bring a fat wallet) that you'll mumble fantasticissimo while your mouth is full (they should be paying me for the ad, heeeh). The whole expo island is littered with the coolest stuffs for collectors- old refrigerator, classic jukebox, antique collections, blah blahs but maybe for the reader's sake I should get this writing part done and let the photos talk the next time I drop by there.

+++

Manila Water has been good to us. We never get problems with our supply. So good that they were even drilling for the pipes in our street directly in front of our humble abode for a month now explaining how rock (literally, rock/cement) music has been wallowing our ears even in our sleep. However, Manila Water being good to us was not the reason for us going out to swim last Black Saturday. I don't know whose bright idea it was but it may not be as bright as he/she thought it'd be hehe.. There were like hundreds of people that certainly peed in the pools of the fantastic 9Waves that day. The whole idea was to have a good time with family and friends and we certainly did of course with certain challenges such as the find-a-swimming-space competition, the dressing-up (while skillfully hiding 2 separate female parts) arena, and my favorite the most-oblivious-to-the-chloriney-peey-toned scent award! Irony aside, I personally think that spending time with my family was still the brightest idea of all, for all its worth :P

Lessons learned: (1) Never expect to relax in public pools during holy weeks and in any day of April; and (2) Mourn on Black Saturdays for chrissake you're a Catholic!

+++

Before leaving for a girls nightout, you should definitely pee or avoid the skinny jeans. Hold on to your eyebrows and stop looking perplexed. If you're not good at Kegel's, you might end up incontinent with a few bottles of beer and a freaking good laugh!

Got Milk?

2007-04-12T20:12:00.000+08:00

As I submitted the last of my dues in the pigeonhole, I felt a liberating high. After a sem-worth of stress, I am finally off. This must be the most exhausting year, as far I know, juggling 3 majors + an N-elective. It was going to be an overkill if I loaded myself with minor subjects to clutter my brain. On the brightside of things, I've distinguished the hard from the soft bones in me while on clinicals. The whole idea of the classic "TLC" nurse as advertised academically- the tender, loving, and caring people wearing white caps, is being replaced with the smart, tough, and proactive hospital personnels wearing scrub suits (I just love the Honda car-with-a-scrub-suit ad!) in medical journals. I love the evolution but I'd still want a piece of that cap. Aside that looks good with the uniform? Nothing. Sheesh I missed writing! hehehe. It's just my personal realization of how the TLC completes the care package. The class cards will matter but the thank yous from the patients is indeed the cherry, without droplets of hypocrisy on top. One prolific season to wrap up!

Hydrophilic

2007-03-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

10 pints of sweat, 30 minutes of sleep and 1 gram of sunburn

2007-03-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

Although it won't be the priority for most cases, patients in the hospital share only one common diagnosis - Pain, which is only understood upon assessment of the multidimensional aspects of human. The hospital turned me into this different person. Someone who is capable of change. Someone who is capable of alleviating or at least minimizing the pain. Well, sometimes I metaphorically think I could be that Greenmile character.

+++

One of the amazing things in this course is being able to face most of my fears primarily because it was compulsary. The sight of blood made me weak to my knees when I was a kid. Now I can even yawn while assisting in a major GSII surgery. The brain part would typically give me a chemical reaction to faint, but now I thought it was the coolest thing to be able to appreciate a successful crainiotomy before my eyes. (The tumor maggots of my friend's cancer patient was a different story, however. Kudos to Marish and Louie! Without you, it could've been my case. hehe!) Other than compulsary, some things are just irresistable like dozing off the entire trip to and fro Manila for one hour like it's just a fleeting moment of my day. I used to be paranoid when it comes to hold-up and pick-pocket lucks but lately I chose to swallow the fear and lazily drop my head over the fx seats (my most comfortable position).

+++

The sun must've been 90 degrees high and steady but it didn't beat our efforts in community mental health nursing. The activities last weekend with the children and parents of San Andres Bukid were fulfilling. And even though "Nangitim kami ng isang gramo!" as exclaimed by our diosa Rej, it was worth it up to the last minute. Sarap!

+++

And now I'd start warming up for my sleep marathon if you'll excuse me. :P

1 day at a time

2007-02-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

The greatest challenge is to pull yourself up from bed at 5am everyday. It's like the center of gravity hides under the matress. When the world is so calmy hushed and God dropped the celcius a couple of degrees, hiding under the sheets is the most evil temptation. The alarm clock is just a hoax. Its noise is so impotent to disturb or even motivate a reflex. So much so that I undergo the 5 stages of grief from 5-5:30am every morning. This must be called time management.
I thought I should borrow more time from the planet Mars.

Sinead O'Connor: Gloomy Sunday

2007-01-05T13:39:00.000+08:00

Sinead O'Connor - Gloomy Sunday

Rainbow_Blight: http://www.cakeknifeharlot.deviantart.com

Trick or TREAT?!

2006-11-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

Do check out my new webpage! http://www.mustardstains.multiply.com

We are subjects of change and subjects to change. It takes only a 20-second trailer of the lives we lived to feel either satisfaction and regret. The person you once were and the person you wanted to be could be both strangers of what you've become. There are those people that moved us as, drove us freaking nuts, or maybe those that turned our intestines upside down. But we will remember those that touched deep our hollow organs the most.
Even if this life is worth a hundred Viking rides or space shuttles for that matter, I'd still wanna do things all over again until my extremities are not in their proper places anymore and my eyes are bizarrely stuck in my throat!

299, 792, 458 m/sec

2006-10-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

We stood awake til midnight to steal that kiss. I'd wish for nothing else but to be here forever. The time we shared was an illusion. We both believe what we had was longer that what's counted. For one, the stars are there to remind us of the light it emitted about a hundred years ago.
We locked each other tightly exchanging whispers even the walls won't hear. I fear the invisible ears around that might take her away from me. Truth is, I fear everything that's unknown, which could be deceitfully unfolded to reveal too many forms. And what lies ahead of us are a thousand and one possibilities of a future to hold. When I was a child I'd observe the dripping water on the glass windows. It decides not where to end but down whatever path-marks it left for me to trace. I never wanna be driven helplessly to see her be washed away like that.
Last night I promised I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep her. This is the best waking life I've had and I intend to live it beyond time's blessing.
Aside from the melodrama/tragedy inside my head, we spent the day together as bums, ate strawberry ice cream and maki, chased the house mouse and laughed at how silly we were til we ran out of breath, watched a movie and snuggled til there's no words left but I love you.

temple +

2006-10-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

I have a lot to say yet I have no words. My mind is a world of monsters and I fight only to find they can never be phased out entirely. Sometimes I get lost while marveling at these strange ideas but I'd rather not be found than be always conscious in a world composed of complex beings. As I always say, it's just my luck that brains were made with no tongues. At least, the mad scientists haven't figured one to attach there yet. If so, I'm a dead man. I articulate the tiniest speck of imperfection I notice. I am mean without mercy. I am housing within this skull a war-lust muscle. But if there's anybody else that should beware of this, it's me. I am the target of most of my criticisms. Like a constant gunfire to my temple, It's killing me.

Missed Friday the 13th

2006-10-20T14:02:00.000+08:00

I slumbered for a long time. After what seemed like eons of dormancy, I awake to find out it's October... Too much rest slacked my right brain. I have the same playlist in my mp3 for 2 months. I finished an entire season and a half of House M.D., breezed through Desperate Housewives, peeked on L-Word and replayed all seasons of Sex and the City. I begin to think I'm growing more and more of a moron each day... living somebody else's life from an idiot box. I guess it takes twice to fully appreciate Carrie's wardrobe... and her shoe collection.
I spinned 360 degrees to see if there's still room for mind expansion... instead I saw the pile of books that I'm supposedly lined-up to read last summer. But as I said, the sky was like an invisible sheet over my head until now.
The unfixed bed and the cold unsipped coffee made me feel guilty...
I looked at the walls and just as I figured, no eyes pinned on them. Whew!

Glass, Candle, Grenades
30th of October @ Penguin, Malate.
I heard they require Holloweenish attire. To translate: black. haha! Heck?

also,
Prominence of Cathedral
(support Czandro Pollack on keyboards!)
31st of October @ Absinthe Bar, Greenbelt

9:24

2006-09-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

I've been staring at too many blank spaces for a long time... waiting for the wind's kiss. This is where I began instead of "once upon a time"... I end up with you. And science will always be dumb enough to explain that.

the world is a vampire

2006-09-17T13:11:00.000+08:00

OR else!

2006-09-15T16:54:00.000+08:00

2006-09-14T02:39:00.000+08:00

Come to the edge.
No, we will fall.

Come to the edge.
No, we will fall.

They came to the edge.
He pushed them, and they flew.
-Guillaume Apollinaire

amethyst sky

2006-09-01T17:23:00.000+08:00

patternless chameleon,
gloomy foreshadowing of the night,
a prelude before the curtains fall,
tears that imitate an amethyst's sparkle,
envy,
a child and a bird as one.

Thoughts

2006-08-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

Again I am stucked...
like an old cassette tape babbling the same song over and over again.
Calculating every second drop of the hand, unmoved on the same spot.
Meditative state? Silent chaos.

Lingering thoughts that pop like bubbles.
Once there, now air.
Invisible and no trace of existence...
except the scent of soap.

Seeing people walk about the street,
eyebrows twisted, bad hair day
with umbrellas, cigarette stick,
or with nothing to carry but a heavy heart
Seemingly knowing where they're headed
Seemingly.

Changing lanes once in a while.

Unaware of an ever-existing plague...
Reaping a dead heart,
Ripping,
Left empty as a bystander,

Airborne.
catching colds,
sniffing smoke,
silent itches,
ego in abyss,
bargaining intrinsicly,
paralyzed,

Thoughts always end with 3 dots...
So it doesn't.

R.I.P.

2006-08-26T18:27:00.000+08:00

Like a thief in the night, death comes. How it chooses which door to bust is a mystery but I bet, with history's eyes, that he won't leave one. A surprise to many but an invited guest to some who knew it was time for their last supper. I am well aware of this inevitable and certain fate we have. Perhaps, all things given, this is the only thing we are "certain" of. Clueless, on the other hand as to "how".
As I received the news of a friend's death, I begin to think of my own... I mean, of course I thought of his death but eventually it got me thinking about life in general as if it's something I seldom do.
Life in general... gets really depressing at times and you really wanna hang yourself to end the vicious cycle. And correct me if I'm wrong but at one point or another in this lifetime we fantasized about death's liberation. But how would you know if this time it's worth it? Is it ever going to be worth it in the first place or is it just about who ever has the guts? I'm talking about suicide if ever you're lost in this paragraph.
Yep.. my dear friend killed himself. Maybe I didn't know him well enough or a lot of things have changed since I last saw him... I didn't understand why... Nobody would ever understand why as much as he did.
Man, rest in peace...

Portishead: Roads

2006-08-04T11:46:00.000+08:00

David Copperfield vs Holden Caulfield

2006-08-04T09:18:00.000+08:00

Lighting strikes lightning fast. This would perhaps hold true for me.
How I wish I could narrate my life in detail to explain why but then again I might just bore you and even oblivious turtles might just turn away... Talk to the shell ol' me. And of course I forgot how easily I become bored with my own stories as well. So I guess this isn't the David and Holden kind of crap but I'll put that in my "dream-on" list- to be a novelist in my own crappy kind of way in the right crappy time.
I was busied writing a lot of things (papers, papers, papers)and my life (as it interests me and perhaps me alone) isn't on that list, though you can more or less get a picture of my toxicity and blood-letting. For 2 weeks I was almost sleepless (Almost sleepless- defined as having at least slept with books as my pillow postitioned like an orhopneic) and my eye pockets looked like it could carry a cherry each.
Have you seen "The Machinist"? Nope, I'm not yet at that point of breakdown but it's kinda scarry in a way to not have slept, almost, for a year and have this freakin' paranoia blah-blah-blah (I'm boring myself again...). On second thought, he was an insomiac while I on the other hand, a narcoleptic praying that my eyes won't close in due necessity -toothpicks are of no help and we should blame the cartoons(Looney toons I think) for giving that kind of idea! and the lousy techniques of pinching the skin and knocking your head are no better! Interesting movie by the way (You wouldn't have a hint there that Christian Bale could play as Batman. No hint! Superb acting and a gloomy setting to match my taste.).
So much for exhausting myself. Happy weekend to me with cake, balloons and all that jazz! And a centrifugal force would draw me back to that cycle next week and N times more on the forthcoming years - I am in no denial for what the future would offer or perhaps "would not offer" like a synchronized Filipino nocturnal habit, in short - a decent sleep!
Good thing I find comfort with this other pair of arms that wrap me in the midst of psychological turmoil. I find peace there dwelled like an eye in this cyclone.